Stop Being a People-Pleaser!

It you’re always felt a compulsion to meet everyone else’s needs before your own, it’s hard to imagine being different. People-pleasing is not only what you do, but a strong part of who you believe you are. If you’re ready to start investing your time, instead of letting other people spend it for yours.  

There are three common scenarios that can trigger our people-pleaser tendencies and how you can think and act differently.

1. The Unrealistic Standard Scenario- many managers feels guilty about the fact that they are in so many meeting so they develop the mindset that “I am bad manager if I don’t always keep my door open when I’m in my office”. But this can lead to every spare minute between appointments being field by people walking though their door eager for attention. In turn, all of their own work needs to happen in the evenings and weekends which then lead to a cycle guilt about being a bad spouse, parent, or friend. It sound like you, the escape route is to change your standard for what it means to be a good manager. This then frees you to set better boundaries and get more work done at work.
2. The ‘YES!’ Man or Women Scenario- if you are an energetic, service-oriented person, your tendency is to always respond to any saying. “Sure, I can do that.” Or when you are sitting in a meeting and someone ask for volunteers to help, you always raise your hand. Or even when no one ask for help; but you know they need help you offer to assist. In end of itself, a strong desire to take action is not bad. But if this attitude means that you are completely overloaded with work and unfocused on your top priorities, you are failing to keep commitments that truly should fall under your ownership.
3. The “I’ll Just Do It Myself” Scenario- Generally highly intelligent, hard-working people tend to struggle with letting go of control though delegation. This challenge seems most acute when they go from a “doing” role such as a consultant to a “leading” role such as a department head. Instead of passing off responsibilities to the appropriate parties, you tell yourself, “It will just take a minute I can get this done better and faster than anyone else.” These thoughts do have some truth to them in that you may have the ability to execute on some activities very well. But if you are like most business leaders, you don’t have the minutes to spare. In a typical week, you will have just a few precious work hours you can devote to doing the activities that only you can do. The first question you should ask with any item big or small is :” Could someone else do this for me?”  If so, delegate it. The more organized you get, the better you will be able to delegate without “inconveniencing”  others.

You cannot please everybody in world. So priorities your own assignments first before lending your time to other person. This will help you to keep your own commitments.